Seasonal Balls Advice And The Launch Of FOALUA

Oh, I know - it's easy to laugh - but what the hell.

Ed Balls and his Department for Children, Schools and Families (in collaboration with SureStart) have printed 150,000 leaflets warning people of the dangers of Xmas.

To much scorn in the popular and highbrow press.

After a bit of data mining I discovered the leaflet itself. Please download, print off and abide by its advice. I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you over the festive season (unless you're a government minister).

I have just set up a citizen's group dedicated to defending ordinary people from the intrusive bossiness of government, politicians, big business, religion and anyone else, which goes by the acronym FOALUA. Short for Fuck Off And Leave Us Alone.

Anyone, anywhere can join - except for politicians of any shape, size or appearance, government officials, consultants and advisors, police officers, secret service personnel, managers of anything, anywhere, rich people, priests, popes or mullahs, and anyone with anything to do with the EU (including people who just think it's a good thing) etc.

That may sound pretty drastic, but it still leaves billions more of us.

I am now off to puncture my body with fragments of broken baubles, electrocute myself with the tree and render myself unconscious by drinking the dregs of whatever alcohol I can find and then falling off my hobby-horse (sorry, rocking horse). Adios!